So today I received my April issue of Yoga Journal and came across this "practice lightly" page. I love these little words of wisdom from this page. It says, "Graceful motion on the mat inspires a gentle footprint in the world. It's our practice, allowing us to choose the reflection we leave behind". With the recent stress of my relationship with Bubby, my brother, academics, and my ongoing struggle to know ME better, I have really needed my mat.
Unfortunately I have been a mat rebel and have been avoiding it; avoiding the peace and comfort and relaxation that I crave. I have been avoiding one the best practices that I need for balance in my life of topsy-turvy funness. As I humbled my self and pulled myself onto my mat today I thought of everything going on in my life. For a few breaths I let myself just be in pain. I just let myself reflect and crawl into myself to hide curled up in a ball. I didn't want to be there on my mat. I didn't want to trust anyone, not even my mat.
Then it was as if my mat spoke to me and said, "Baby, I know how it is. You have been hurt. You just cry. You just let it out. Then pick yourself up and remember who YOU are. I miss you, you miss you. And I am here." But I couldn't cry then. I had cried enough. So I did. I pulled myself up onto my knees and began my routine, pushing new limits as I opened my closed mind to the idea that this could be okay. I hurt in new places I hadn't before, so I eased off. Trying something new at the end I just let myself hang, swaying back and forth. It was comforting, soothing, like I assume a rocker must feel to a newborn. And I was reborn. I saw myself resurface.
And I am still learning,
Patience
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