Am I a Terrible Person?

Ya know, before talking to my mom tonight I haven't thought of myself as a genuinely terrible person for a long time. I mean yes I still make mistakes, do and say stupid things, things I don't mean, things that are hurtful, and I just sometimes don't do things that I should. Tonight though my mom pointed out some things that just make sense. I know what she means and its not that I disagree...it was just kinda shoved in my face that I am extremely liberal in comparison. I have taken many a political quizzes and I am actually a Centrist. I am not Linsay Liberal or Courtney Conservative, I am just a middle person. I think that may be why I can get along with so many different kinds of people. I love and accept them all and on some level I agree with them on at least one thing. Thats enough for me. Really evil evil people, people that kill, murder, purpose cause harm to people...them I do not believe I could ever be friends with. I hate violence and stuff like that. Heck I couldn't ever really do any of those things myself and so I think the problem is more that I could never Really understand them. I might understand that they had a hard childhood or hard times or an accident...but doing something like that on purpose just because someone told you to or whatever that just I could never fully understand. Good thing it is beyond me to judge people. I will spare you the whole scenario.


Any way there is goodish news. She came home today! She was going to stay in the whole weekend but...they decided to send her home with a higher dose of medication. I always wonder how good certain meds can really be for a person but these ones keep her alive and for that I am certainly grateful and approving.

Today I feel like I accomplished a lot! I did a bunch of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, mowed the front yard (very laborious when its 90 outside!), and reflected on a lot of the positive changes I have made in my life in the last 2 or 3 years. I am really proud of how far I have come. I know there and bounds and bounds left to go though. I am no where close to perfect...I feel like I am still way in the negative percentages. I am negatively perfect. In someways everyday I feel like I move closer to being perfect and in others I know that I move the other way. Its never on purpose or by choice anymore really but I know that it happens. Like letting myself get so defensive tonight...that was a step back. Well I like this quote so much I wrote it on my mirror and read it every night and morning to remind myself that the past is gone, the future is waiting, and right now is the only thing I can really do anything about. It is:

" Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in...forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your own nonsense!"




Not to be encumbered by my own nonsense...wow that would be nice. I have a lot of nonsense floating around up there. Then again who doesn't? Haha! Yeah I am surprised how relieved I feel just writing this down :) Its a good feeling. I think I like this whole blogging thing. We will see where my reading tonight takes me...maybe on a journey across the sea to france yes I think so. Les Miserables here I come.

Learning as always, and giving it my best

Patience