A family fun weekend :)

So the last few days I have been helping my dad with some information for his dissertation. Finding out what references he does and does not have on hand. Its time consuming but I have to admit a little fun too because of my inner detective and neat freak! haha. Yes I find searching though countless document names to find one reference thrilling! :) I am dork. I know.

Anyway, today my family went to the pool after watching nostradamus predictions for the future and 2012...Tv recording via cable gets a gold star in my book. Whoever created it ....genius! Perfect for busy americans who can't live without their shows haha. I forgot how much discovery and history channel my family watches. ITs great! I missed it. I now know why I still love documentaries, biographies, autobiographies, the news, etc. We went to see the Texas Childrens Choir tonight too! They are amazing! They sang with MoTab last summer and were featured on the podcast "Music and the Spoken Word" that was what they performed tonight. Shiloh passed out and had a seizure at the end...so it took a few people helping out to get her to the car. Luckily by the time we got home she was ok enough to bring herself into her room. :( It hurts me, kills me inside to hear her cry herself to sleep. I can't stand it. So I cry too. All in all a good weekend.

Tomorrow I get to spend all day at church for the most part and I am looking forward to the spiritual feeding. I need it. Sometimes I get really afraid of things. Those things usually not being very realistic but I feel the fear of them which makes it real to me. For whatever reason I always fear the loss of relationships. I fear that when I call someone I haven't spoken to in a while, or spoke to recently, that it will bother them. I am not sure why that is but some people I feel l bother them a lot so I take breaks from talking to them. haha. I told you I am a dork. Well I am always afraid more rightly put that I care about my friends and family more than they care about me. Thats fine I have realized, but how selfish and self-righteous is that? Tomorrow I will just be glad to know that I am a wonderful woman with potential and there is a Goddess in me. Right now there is a song that fits my feeling wonderfully...



It Stops Today by Colbie Caillat

No, no, I, I, I, I, I don't want to break when I speak
I don't want to shake while I'm standing
I don't want to crawl into another hole
I don't know what I'm hiding for
No, I, I, I, I, I don't want to fall when I stand
I don't want to have to hold your hand
I just want to be the girl I use to be
when I was me and worry free
I know these burdens are my own

[Chorus:]
But I can't keep on running
No I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to beat it is to fight my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til I turn
around and face it alone, I know
I can't just keep running, no I just
can't keep on running away
So it stop today

So here I am, I'm taking my first step
Thought I was losing balance but I caught myself
I kind of like the challenge, no I don't need help
I'm going to make it past the very start
it's always been my hardest part


But I, I, I, I, I'm going to stay in control
I must admit this crutch is getting old
I am going to throw it out of my hand
I'm finally here, I understand
I know I'll get there on my own

[Chorus:]
So I can't keep on running
No I just can't keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to beat it is to fight my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til I turn
around and face it alone, I know
That I can't keep running, no I just
can't keep on running away
So it stop today

[Bridge:]
You can hide from all the pain
But it will find you anyway
Yes, I know, now I know

--------------------------

Well we were driving home from the concert and my dad played this song...and everyone in my family knows and loves it. Its like our family song of sorts I guess. :) I think its pretty awesome we have one. We all sang the chorus together "Eventhough we aint got money, Im so in love with you honey! Everything will bring a chain of love, in the morning when I rise, bring a tear of joy to my eyes and tell me everythings gonna be alright!" I hope you can love it too.




Well sometimes my family is the epitome of murphys law but the truth is we all love each other very very much. For that I am and always will be grateful. I will always have my family no matter what. :) Everyone else could choose to hate me but I know that my little family will always be here for me and love me and tell me how they dream of great things for me. I wish everyone in this world could be so lucky to have a supportive family.

Learning ever more,

Patience